Tag Archives: Jessie J

Have a listen to this and look back on your decision to do so with happy memories


His name is Conor Maynard and the tune is called ‘Can’t Say No’ and it features a not-all-that-clear use of the word ‘coming’ but it’s very very good. Catchy tune, production that doesn’t sound like it’s been focus grouped to fuck through the lowest-common denominator of commercial hits, and a bloke fronting it all who isn’t what society would call ‘traditionally handsome’. I suppose that last point isn’t something that’s particularly necessary to the ‘whole package’; I certainly wouldn’t exactly turn this song down if it was sung by someone I find MIND BLOWINGLY FIT. But the fact that a man’s rugged good looks aren’t being shoved down my throat over the pop tuneage he’s peddling (in a manner that goes past bordering on patronising and fucking sets up camp and lives in patronising) is, along with everything else, really refreshing.

(I could do without the ‘attitude’, but I accept that girls are being told they they are amazing just the way they are and that’s what makes them beautiful rather a lot in pop at the moment and perhaps it is about time they were treated like shit again.)

The song, along with it’s B-side, are up on iTunes for pre-order and sadly said B-side is a bit over an over-emoted piano moment, but let’s not sound the J-J-J-J-J-J-Jessie J siren quite yet. Let’s give the fellow a chance.

So I believe there’s only one thing left to say:

Cheer up Conor Maynard

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Lots of people have been talking shit in pop recently.

A plenitude of lies are flying around the ‘scene’ readers.

And this woman clearly disapproves. Let’s see what banter she (representing basically everyone) is getting so ticked off about. Continue reading

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Jessie J

It’s 2010. You can imagine the confusion at Island Records. Having signed Jessica Cornish to their roster, the pressing question was what to do with her. She had proved that she could pen a hit (Miley Cyrus’ Party In The USA went #1 in America), she had proved that she could sing – and whatever else I write here I would like to ensure that people are aware that I know she can sing – but where would she fit in the current pop climate? Were they to mold her into a Lady Gaga-esque outlandish megapop queen? A semi-rapping Rihanna pastiche? Or an inspirational hip pop balladeer a la Natasha Bedingfield? And the sad truth of the answer is that they opted for a car crash of all three.

J-J-J-J-Jessie J
It is important that people understand that I did not have to look very hard to find this picture. Continue reading

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If you’re here because you want to read a long rant about why Jessie J is such a wankstain on the face of pop music

…then you are in the right place at the wrong time. It’s nearly finished now but I have to go to bed (those pesky exams), though rest assured, you’ll be able to find out just why Jessie J is so terminally shit tomorrow – if you didn’t already know. And to be honest, i’m judging you more than a little if you don’t.

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